Life Beyond the Bar Scene: The Dating Game
Mar 2011 31

Life Beyond the Bar Scene: The Dating Game

Posted In Blog,Love,Relationships,Sex,Society

by Laurelin

I woke up a few mornings ago and felt like I was changing. Sadness and doubt, creeping in to smother my usually bright demeanor, one centimeter of skin turning grey at a time, like Natalie Portman’s black swan transformation. Slow but steady, this feeling of just losing control. There is no worse feeling in the world. I am always in control, or so I like to think, and it’s days like this that I wake up and realize it’s all a fallacy. I have about as much control over my life as a bike with no brakes flying down a hill into a crowded intersection. This is just a feeling though, my choices are my own, it’s just some days I feel so… helpless.

My friend Jordan had been feeling the same lately, so last night the two of us met up for drinks so he could vent. He’s been dating this girl, and without going into too much into detail, it doesn’t seem to be working out in his favor. He cares for her and wants it to work out, but instead of his concern making things better, it seems to be making things worse. He’s watching her disappear, and there’s nothing he can do about it. It was driving him crazy, and he wanted a girl’s point of view on the situation.

It cracks me up when people ask me for relationship advice. Anyone will tell you, I have the mind of a fraternity guy. I’ve always had more male friends than female, and while I, of course, have some crazy female tendencies, when it comes to relationships gone sour, I tend to solve any problem by just falling off the planet. You act like an idiot? I disappear. I refuse to chase after anyone, and the second I find myself doing it, the game is over. It’s embarrassing. Closure is nice, but it rarely happens. I know it’s a strange way to look at it, but my main thing is this: Dating is supposed to be fun, and the second it stops being fun, it’s time to call it quits.

No one deserves to be a puppy dog chasing after anyone. For me, it’s the common fight or flight thing. The second things get scary, the second I think I might be in heartbreak territory, the second anyone starts being an asshole or too whiney or needy, I’m getting the hell outta dodge.

Jordan and I sipped our beers and I advised him to maybe take a little break, take her number out of his cell phone, and let her breathe for a while. If she missed him, she would get in touch with him and then they could chat.

“But then I won’t have her number anymore,” he said.

“Exactly!” I replied. Out of sight, out of mind? Not so much, but at least it would save him the trouble of getting drunk and sending something he would regret in the morning. My girlfriends and I are huge fans of the delete option. No late night drunk texts, no phone calls that would leave you cursing at the sky the morning after a crazy night, and no waking up in your ex’s bed. The delete is your friend.

I know it seems like all I’m doing is suggesting he play games. I hate to think of myself as a game player, and if I am then I almost always lose. But when it comes to dealing with women, it’s all you can do. Girls, as much as we hate to admit it, thrive on drama. When a guy is acting super nice and all up in my life constantly, even if I secretly think it’s cute. I find myself asking my girlfriends where I managed to find a stalker. If the same guy all of a sudden stops calling, I am wondering what I did wrong and how I messed up the greatest thing to happen to me [this week...]. Girls are fucking crazy. Being single and back on the scene however, I’m seeing that guys are just as nuts. It’s exhausting.

My advice to Jordan is probably advice that wouldn’t kill me to take as well. Slow down. Chill out. Stop freaking people out. Maybe cool it with the drinking. He’s an amazing guy, and any girl would be lucky to be with him, but if you don’t play the game, the game’s going to play you. We learned over the bar to grab another round.

“What’s wrong with Jordan?” the bartender (my ex boyfriend) asked.

“He just needs a little relationship advice,” I said with a smirk. As the bartender poured our beers, I honestly don’t think I have heard anyone laugh so hard.

“From YOU?” He crowed, setting our beers down, “Now THAT is funny.”

I started giggling. Point taken. Sorry Jordan, you’re on your own.

***

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