Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Anger and Other Mostly Useless Emotions
Sep 2011 09

Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Anger and Other Mostly Useless Emotions

Posted In All Things SG,Blog,Booze,Food & Drink,Love,Relationships,Sex,Society

by Laurelin

I don’t like writing when I’m angry. I suppose there is technically something therapeutic about allowing the words to pour from your pen, furiously scribbled thoughts pressed hard into the paper rather than the controlled sentences I usually produce. I am never proud of what I write when I’m angry. I still do it every once in a while I guess; some things just need to be let out so they can be released and hopefully not felt anymore. I remember writing when my heart had been broken, when I was longing for something different, when I was so inspired by something beautiful or sad, but I do not write very often when I’m angry anymore.

When I was younger I was angry a lot. I was easily hurt and I wasn’t able to see the bigger picture. As I got older I developed a little more sense and realized that every little thing that happened would eventually pass. Each hurt that came to my life would make its mark, and each day after that it would hurt a little less, until one day it became just a memory. Some memories and aches are sharper than others, like remembering something terrible I said and didn’t mean makes me cringe, but you take it with a grain of salt. I learned to think before I speak, and that a heartfelt apology goes a long way.

Other memories, like songs, are different. There are some songs that invoke such powerful memories of certain places and people that when I close my eyes I can almost go back in time. I can smell, touch, hear certain things, some happy, some impossibly sad. When I hear “Hey, Jupiter” by Tori Amos I am 14 years old in a bed and breakfast in Stratford, England. I smell lavender on my pillow and in the sheets every time I move as I drift off to sleep. It was my last family vacation before my younger brother got really sick and the whole family was out, it was just me in this beautiful place. Lavender and Tori Amos always make me smile.

“This Years Love” by David Grey reminds me of my ex, and I’m thrown back to Chatham on Cape Cod drinking twisted teas on the porch with only the sound of the trees rustling in the moonlight and a reassuring hand on mine. I smiled when I heard that song the other day, a sad memory had finally found its place amongst the happier ones. There’s a silver lining in every failure.

I have found myself in the past few days seeking solace in my anger; I haven’t felt it in so long that I knew it had to be for a good reason. I was struggling with writing; I couldn’t concentrate. But I could think. I was angry at a guy, I know that. When was the last time I was angry at a guy? I have no idea. My ex boyfriend and I didn’t fight once in two years. I used to think it was because we were perfect for one another, but as time went on it finally clicked that it was because neither one of us cared enough to stir things up. If I was angry, I swallowed it. If he was angry, he never showed it. People wanted what we had, but secretly I knew we were headed for disaster.

Things needed to change if I ever wanted anything different. If I was upset with this new guy I had to tell him. I’m not going to make the same mistakes twice, and I shouldn’t be harboring resentment as days go by. I guess this was only healthy behavior after all, and after a few days of sitting on this problem I finally said something. And what do you know, sometimes the best part about being angry is the resolution that comes from sharing a problem, agreeing on a solution, finally getting and giving an apology. The best part of being angry is the feeling you get when you can finally smile, let it go, and know that what just happened is now only a memory.

***

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Life Beyond the Bar Scene: A Case of the Crazies
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Unsettled
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Boys of Summer
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Play On Playa’
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: How to Lose a Girl in Ten Minutes
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Naked Laurelin Reading
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Healthy Relationships are for Boring People and Other Mishaps
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Letting Go
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Life Beyond the Bar Scene: The Dating Game
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: After a Few Beers Everyone Looks Good and Other Love Stories
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Life Beyond the Bar Scene: When it’s Time to Move On
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