Life Beyond the Bar Scene: A Case of the Crazies
Aug 2011 11

Life Beyond the Bar Scene: A Case of the Crazies

Posted In Blog,Booze,Food & Drink,Love,Relationships,Sex,Society

by Laurelin

I’ve never thought of myself as a particularly crazy person. I don’t yell or scream at people I’m dating, I’m not jealous, I don’t nag, and I don’t get upset when ex- girlfriends are still in the picture. I was horrified by the female lead in He’s Just Not That Into You, and I am a firm believer in the idea “if it’s not fun, why do it?” Relationships are supposed to be fun. If it’s not fun, why the hell are you still dating? I’m not a crazy girl. Or, at least that’s what I have been telling myself for as far back as I can remember. I guess if you break it down, I’m just as crazy as the next girl. I just hide it damn well.

I have been caught being crazy once about six years ago, and let me tell you, it whipped me into shape. As much as I like throwing myself under the bus when I write these articles, what I did was so absolutely insane that I can’t even think about it without my cheek burning in shame. All I know is that I was busted, and the look on my boyfriend’s face when he caught me red handed was enough for me to realize then and there that acting like an untrusting maniac was the most un-sexy quality a girl can have.

I had stepped out of the room and he had jumped on my computer to check his e-mail, and as I walked back into the room our horrified eyes met over the glow of the screen and my heart fell like concrete into my stomach. The digital age makes it too easy to have access to whatever you want, and I had left whatever I wanted to know about him right up on the screen for him to find. It was all there, e-mails, conversations with ex girlfriends, everything. He should have broken up with me on the spot, and I’m not sure why he didn’t. I guess I got lucky. Unfortunately, that experience engrained something in me, and from that moment on I didn’t act anything but totally laid back about everything, ever. I didn’t ever want anyone looking at me the way my boyfriend looked at me that day.

That same guy would later start cheating on me, and when I walked in on him and the other woman, I smiled and shook her hand and introduced myself before collecting my things and walking out. I remember my blood boiling inside as I smiled and said, “Hi, I’m Laurelin.” I thought smoke might come out of my ears as she turned to him and said, “Oh, she’s so nice!” I almost threw up walking back to my car, tears spilling over my bloodshot eyes and burning hot down my cheeks. One would think that I would never talk to that guy again. But I didn’t want to be crazy, so I swallowed any ounce of emotion and soon we were back on track as just friends –– the three of us would even hang out. Looking back, even I know that that’s fucked up –– an ounce of crazy in that situation would have been more than fine.

Fast-forward to now, and my current situation. I am no one’s girlfriend, but I guess I wouldn’t classify myself as exactly single either. I’m not itching to have “that talk.” I like things the way they are. (I think…) I’m noticing that I’m starting to look for things that are wrong with this person; I’m itching for a fight and looking for any reason to kick myself, or him, to the curb. Luckily with my anti-crazy female training I am aware that I’m fishing for self-sabotage and I have been able to talk myself out of being anything but totally calm and collected. There is no reason to get angry because you’re not going to lunch on time. Don’t delete his phone number because he had to work late. Stop. Acting. Crazy.

It’s just so odd to me when things are just…perfect. It’s been a few months of smooth sailing, and as I am forever waiting for disaster I’m trying to prepare myself for the worst, getting ready for the inevitable heartbreak. I feel like I’m already in over my head and I’m choking and thrashing to break the surface, trying to find any reason to get out of this before it’s really too late, before I’m sobbing into my pillows watching Meg Ryan movies and eating Chinese food for days on end. I guess deep down every crazy girl just doesn’t want to get hurt, and in searching mercilessly for something wrong with this guy I’m only showing my true shameful colors. Calm and collected all the time, my ass. I like this guy and he’s in trouble, because I have a serious case of the crazies.

***

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Life Beyond the Bar Scene: How to Lose a Girl in Ten Minutes
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Naked Laurelin Reading
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Healthy Relationships are for Boring People and Other Mishaps
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Letting Go
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Does it Exist?
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: The Dating Game
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Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Getting Naked With Laurelin
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Life Beyond the Bar Scene: When it’s Time to Move On
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Starting Over and Other Stupid Resolutions
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: He Broke Up with Me on a Post-it and Other Travesties
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: The End of Four Loko As We Know It
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