Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony
Jul 2011 04

Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony

Posted In All Things SG,Blog,Love,Relationships,Sex,Society

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Clio, Squee and Elea

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.


[Clio in Born Into A Light]

Q: My boyfriend seems to drink a lot. He’s very sensitive when I try to talk about it, but he’ll spend nights in by himself getting drunk. Not only that, but he plays an awful lot of Xbox, daily as soon as he gets home from work and all weekend (we live together).

I worry that he simply isn’t happy in our relationship since he’s drinking and playing Xbox so much. I try to talk to him about it but it never goes smoothly.

Two years ago my Mum passed away, and it was down to drinking too much. Her kidneys and liver failed and she passed away suddenly. She was only 54 and I was 24 at the time, so to have someone else I love drink too much is hard for me. We’ve been together for 4 1/2 years and he knows how much my Mum’s death affected me and still does.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. Please help.

A: Hey lady, I’m sorry to hear about the unfortunate situation with your boyfriend. Have you tried getting him to go out of the house with you during weekends? Spending one day a week together going places like the movie theatre, a new art exhibition, the zoo, the beach or wherever will keep him away from 24/7 Xbox sessions and help focus him on his real-life girlfriend in the non-digital world. Video game addiction is not (yet) officially recognized as a diagnosable disorder, but if you think he has a full-blown addiction it might be time to address your concerns with him, whether he wants to or not. More information about the symptoms and treatment can be found at Video-Game-Addiction.org/.

As for his alcohol problem, it’s terrible to see someone you love and care about suffer from substance abuse. Spending nights drinking alone can be a sign that something more is going on than just being fond of a few pints. If you’re concerned for his health and suspect he might be unhappy and depressed, the best thing you can do is talk to him about it and let him know you are there for him with whatever it is that’s troubling him. If he’s unresponsive I suggest getting in touch with a professional therapist who can provide help (also, SG’s group Living With Addiction is an amazing resource for information and support).

Hopefully things will start looking up for the both of you soon.

Clio
xoxox

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[Squee in Philosophy]

Q: I have been talking to this girl for a month now. We knew each other in high school but never really talked. A month ago today was my 20th birthday and she texted me to wish me happy birthday. We started hitting it off from there. About a week or so goes by and we started hanging out. She is 16, so I wanted to take it slow. That weekend we hung out every day. We both said we had feelings for each other, and I was pretty happy about that but I didn’t know what to do about the age difference.

About half way through the week, since I hadn’t got any texts from her like usual, I called her and got her voicemail. I left her a message asking if she wanted to go out to a baseball game and never got anything back. I texted her the next day to ask what was going to happen between us. She sent me a message back saying that she wanted something but her parents would never allow us to see each other. I said I understood. We kept on talking but nothing really serious. About a week later she started dating a younger guy. At this point in time I was pretty over her. I had some feelings left, but nothing a couple more days couldn’t heal.

This brings us up to this last weekend. Saturday I went out and got pretty drunk at a small party. I texted her when everyone went to bed around 1 AM. She told me that I shouldn’t talk to her because she thought I would say something that I would regret. I told her that the only thing that’s secret to me would be that I’m a virgin. A couple of text messages later she said that she wanted to help me with said virginity.

Sunday I texted her and asked her how serious she was about helping me. She said she didn’t want to help me get rid of it, but I told her it wouldn’t be like that and it would really mean something to me if it was her and not some random girl. She ended up texting me a few hours later that she would do it.

The next day I asked if she wanted to come over and she said she was busy for a while that day. She said it isn’t all that great to get worked up about. I ended up telling her it’s more or less that I haven’t felt it yet and want to know.

Which then brings us up to today. I woke up to Facebook saying she broke up with her boyfriend and was mad about something, so I texted her asking if she needed to talk to someone. She said she couldn’t really talk. I told her I was a text away if she needed to talk. I texted her about the storm later and asked if she was doing any better, but was given a short answer.

I think I came off as too needy. I end up caring way too much about people and I’m not really sure what to do about this now. I have a couple of things running through my head. One would be not texting her for a few days and to re-approach the subject slowly. Two would be to just text her saying that I didn’t want her to help me so it doesn’t hurt our friendship anymore. I’m really lost on what to do with this.

A: I can see why you’re confused by the situation you’ve found yourself in, but in my honest opinion I think you really should take a step away from this situation.

Although this girl may have initiated the idea of helping you lose your virginity, you have to realize that she is a lot younger than you (and depending on where you’re living, potentially illegal). Even if she is mature for her age, introducing a sexual relationship with no real idea of where it may go is something she really might not be ready for.

I can understand that you want to lose your virginity with someone you like, and maybe nothing more, but I think it would be unfair to do it with such a young girl. If you were a friend of mine, I would be telling you to back away from the idea of having sex completely. If you still want to be friends, that’s great, but in my opinion 16 is just too young for this situation. If anything went wrong, since you’re 20, you will get the blame. You are the older, more responsible adult, and I think it’s time to man up and back away.

Squee
XXX

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[Elea in Soul Nighter]

Q: Hola!!! Nice to write to you here – the only place where I can feel free at all. Is it hard to date an alter girl just like one of you? I am a true metal head warrior, and I just do not like Barbie face bitches around me. Plastic girls are worthless. Since I joined SG I feel so nice, like I would like to meet one or all of ya…But I’m kind of a dumbass to get along with girls. I am rude, ruthless, rough and tough. I also scare all people due to my clothing and my style. I know I must be free, not fitting in this society, but it’s almost impossible to find an alter girl in my country and I feel sad for that. Damn!!! You have no idea of how much I’d like to meet someone like Dot or Nyta.

A: First of all, let me guarantee you, there are alternative girls in every country. They might just be where you wouldn’t expect them to be. I’d have to know – I was stuck in a cow-town for half my life with no prospect of escape.

Unfortunately I can’t give you any dating advice here. Every girl is different in her interests. But a good start would be to get in touch with your quiet and sensitive side for a moment. Is there anything that makes you feel humble or gives you this warm feeling in your belly? Little kittens with big eyes? Girls like it when there is one thing they know about you that brings out your soft side.

Nobody likes a guy made of stone. You can still be yourself, just consider letting somebody get close to you by sharing this. And no, I don’t mean that you have to be able to start crying on cue now, but your use of the word ‘bitches’ and your comments about being ‘rude, ruthless, rough and tough’ are a concern, and tell me that perhaps you’re afraid to show a more thoughtful, sensitive and caring side, which in turn may be putting some potentially wonderful females off.

Perhaps you should explore why you’re afraid to be vulnerable and show emotion before you try looking for a relationship, since until you resolve these underlying issues, you’re likely to experience much success in the romance department. Just because a girl has a certain look, it doesn’t mean she’s devoid of the softer human feelings, and just because you consider yourself a metal head doesn’t mean you should be too. Humans are complex beings, not two-dimension archetypes, and should be treated as such regardless of their looks. Perhaps if you get to know a few alt girls as friends, you’ll start to realize this, and knowing what makes any girl tick will make you more attractive regardless of your rough ‘n’ tough exterior.

Are you very active on the site at all? Start talking to girls (not necessarily SGs) on here that seem cool to you. You never know what can develop out of this. Chances are, the girl you are looking for is out there, though you might have to make a big step and travel. Traveling is fun and makes you open up to new possibilities. It always brings balance to me and helps me discover something new in myself.

Don’t despair. There is somebody out there for you, I’m sure.

Elea

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Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

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