Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony
Mar 2011 21

Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony

Posted In All Things SG,Blog,Favorites,Love,Relationships,Sex,Society

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Morgan and Fabrizia

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.


[Morgan in Green Like Cash]

Q:So my (ex) best friend had spent these past three years trying to get her ex-boyfriend back, and she did. I wasn’t happy about it because I had so much hate towards him because he did nothing but hurt her. Well two months ago my friend left town for a couple of days and her boyfriend started texting me, and for some (stupid) reason I texted him back. We texted all day, talked all night, and I went over to his house every so often just to talk and get to know him better. I started realizing he wasn’t an asshole like I thought.

So time passed and he told me he had started to have feelings for me. I was pretty shocked and I spent the next few days trying to convince him that he didn’t like me like that. But it didn’t work, and I realized I had feelings for him so I told him. We continued talking and I continued going to his house, but we would always end up doing more than just talking. We told no one because we feared that someone would tell his girlfriend (my now ex-friend).

We did a good job of hiding it until about two weeks ago. She was going thru his phone and saw the messages that he had sent me. He called me telling me we needed to stop because he was tired of hurting both of us. I was fuckin’ heartbroken. And it didn’t make me feel any better that she forgave him without asking for an explanation, but she was extremely pissed off at me and told me she was thru with me.

Now I realize I was stupid for ever talking to him. I know I don’t deserve her forgiveness, but I at least want her to know that I’m sorry and that even though she hates me I still care about her. I just wanna know how…Any ideas?

A: First, I’m going to be harsh and remind you that your friend has every reason to be angry at you.

You do seem to be aware of that and to feel genuinely bad about what happened, but you also mention that you’re upset that she forgave her boyfriend but not you. Keep this in mind as you try to reach out for forgiveness one last time: this isn’t about your feelings anymore. You hurt a friend, and if you want to try and restore that friendship, you need to remove any frustration you might have towards her from the equation when you offer an apology, otherwise it will not seem genuine. This means that her willingness to forgive her boyfriend is irrelevant.

Now, let’s get to how to offer this apology. Because the feelings around this are probably understandably extreme, I suggest writing a letter. Offer a heartfelt explanation as to what happened, not to try and tell “your side” or find an excuse, but as an admission of exactly what you did wrong in this situation. Try to avoid placing blame on any other individual. Basically, tell her that you know that you hurt her, and explain that you are sincerely sorry (and you can’t do this enough!). And most importantly: do not expect her to reply. Let her know that you would like to salvage this friendship but you understand if she simply isn’t interested in forgiving you or speaking to you. Even if you do lose this friendship, at least you’ll know you tried.

Morgan

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[Fabrizia in Cottonwood]

Q: I have a friend that I have been interested in for a long time. We met online, when I was going though a tough time with my now ex-wife. She has been completely supportive and very complimentary as I don’t have the highest self-esteem. I am not sure what’s going on, but the fact of the matter is she lives in the UK and has a BF that she was going to break up with.

I feel a really strong connection with this girl based on our conversations on everything from music to family values, and specific baser things. I then find out that she is actually as attracted to me as I am to her.

I was planning a trip to Europe in the summer but to be honest the only reason I want to go now is to meet her. How should I play this? I really like this girl, but I know that if she doesn’t leave her BF I’ll be devastated. I mean, I am the type to spend 3 grand on a trip to have a shot at love, but I am not sure how I’ll react if I get there and nothing is as it seems.

A: Based on the fact that you haven’t had any actual face to face interaction with this person, it is hard to determine whether or not your mutual attraction is purely novel or something deeper. You may very well have a lot in common based on what you can tell through chat and e-mail, but does that mean that you are truly compatible? It isn’t easy to get a good read on someone who you haven’t met.

Are you idealizing the situation because you are rebounding from your previous relationship? You say that this woman was going to break up with her boyfriend, but you aren’t sure what is going on now. I would consider her off limits until she makes a decision. It would be unfortunate and possibly very messy if you were to spend money and time to go out there, only to find out that she is still dating someone.

Keep the geographical distance between you and this woman in mind as well. Maintaining a relationship at a distance is difficult! Can you see yourself moving to the UK if you enter a relationship with her? You would be leaving your whole life behind.

The most important point here is that she has not broken up with her boyfriend, which means that the two of you might have different goals. She might see this as a fun and harmless no frills escape from her relationship woes, while you’re here contemplating some serious decisions. If you end up going to Europe despite all that I have advised, do it to have fun, and don’t put all of your eggs in one basket.

Fabrizia
xoxo

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Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls crack team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com